My cat died, I killed him
To my dear angel
I don’t even know where to start, I’m lacking of words, how ironic.
Melba, was my person. You were my person.
From the day I met him, I knew he would have the biggest impact on my life.
Where do you think Mei Bao comes from…
I feel sick to my stomach ; this paper won't make much sense.
I think, you can completely understand when I say he was not just a cat, especially if you take great care of your animals.
He was a family member, he was a part of my soul.
I lost a part of myself.
I’ll never forget our morning rituals :
I would wake up, open the door to my room and he would meows happily at me.
“Hi angel !! Hi baby !! I missed you !! ”. Little cuddle then left.
It’s been days and I can’t leave my room. For what ?
My head is banging. I’m going to throw up.
My dear angel ; my sweet pumpkin,
I’m so glad that I could catch your last breath, in my arms.
Your dead body, so warm.
Pink tongue turning blue, beautiful full of live green eyes shifting glassy.
Me, crying for help on the floor, hanging you mercilessly.
Smell of death all over the room.
I’m sorry I was not able to save you.
I really tried.
I just want to go back, waking you from your nap ; just before your seizure. Maybe this would have changed everything.
I just want to go back, from the very same morning where you were playing and running around with your little brother.
He’s looking for you, meowing every two minutes, purring in your basket.
I won’t survive,
The guilt is eating me alive.
My dear sweet angel, I’m sorry I could not have been able to save you.
I hope you know how much I loved you. Not only by me, but by the rest of the family, friends and others too…
From your personality to your angelic face.
You were my person.
Since Life is unfair, I will get over it.
However, I think, Death should knock on the door. Give signs.
How rude it is to take away my cat without warning ? Who do you think you are ? How dare you taking him away from me ?
He was not sick, you had no right.
Leaving me sad, confused, mad…
Since Melba died, I have been sleeping with Murphy, I hold him tenderly, looking for his heartbeat.
Scared that Death will take him away too.
Insomnia has returned.
“I killed him” ; obsessive thought that plays in loop in my head.
But I will get over it.
Hoping that, one day, the pain will be replaced by nostalgia’s sweetness.
With love,
Maëlle
im so sorry for your loss darling :(♡
praying for your baby's soul♥️
RIP melba ): hope you’re okay Maelle 😔🤍